spending a weekend at college has made me want school to end tomorrow. i can't take it anymore. high school is stupid. i like taking random trips places and sitting around playing board games and going out to movies at 10 o'clock at night. i just really can't wait.

but yea... my weekend. it was great. even though i was sick it was still a good time. i have no voice now but thats ok. friday was fun. saturday was a very long day but it was good. i didnt know dodge ball could be that intense. having a major headache wasnt fun. and scott didnt help with the buzzer to taboo... not cool. getting woken up at 5 in the morning was also not cool. stupid fire alarm! today was relaxing. i can now play guitar hero on medium. im not amazing but its a start! uhh... yea... i dont really feel like going into detail.

the end.

so i've come to the realization that positive thinking is the way to go. my dad read the secret and started thinking positively and me being me, i questioned it. then my mom started reading it so i got it from the both of them. so one day i came home from school and my dad had rented the DVD. so i figured why not watch it. and it all made complete sense to me. so i tried it out... and so far its working! its weird but it really is working.

i just came to say that... the end!

Iris: I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms.

"Waiting all those years to find out who you were has prepared me for this; a little more waiting will do me no harm."



"Remember, I'm holding the string end, and I won't allow you to disappear into oblivion."



"You are my desire, my longing, my spirit. I love you unconditionally... Do you see that I cherish you beyond question, that you have nothing to prove to me? You are making your journey to secure yourself. I am already tethered to your side. If you can love yourself as I love you there will be no dislocation - you will be whole."





the little gestures in life are what makes the world smile! not even the object itself. just the thought put behind it. the true meaning. thats what truly counts. it brings about the best feelings and nothing else matters!

its funny how arguments with people can trigger so much. one single argument can keep you up for hours feeling physically sick. i guess its kind of a way to know that you really care. its a crappy way of finding that out but. actually you knew you cared... you just didn't know you cared that much.

i don't really know what else i want to say. confusion sucks! i can say that.

ok... i guess i'm done.

i feel lost...

ok... so here's life so far.

play has ended. it was great fun for the most part. in the end it turned out amazing! yea... i don't have much else to say about it. sucks for you if you didn't see it.

whilst that was going on i had some hard times. not fun whatsoever.

also while play was going on things got better with some people. that makes me happy.

i also like talking to people i haven't talked to in a year. =) though... well nevermind.

break needs to start tomorrow. ok? good.

i need to clear my mind... a lot.

ok... i'm done.

oh life. it's so unexpected...

the football team is going to state. and i missed the game do to two boys talking the entire time to me. greg and dan filled my mind with unwanted thoughts. yet... it was hilarious! and dan falling was priceless!!! so i'm glad that i was sitting with them just to witness that!

it's funny how a simple thing can just make you go insane. insane in a good way, i mean. just a hug can make you feel perfectly... perfect? it makes you all giddy and what-not. a smile is seen on your face that isn't forced. its genuine. and all of the things that went on all day. all the craziness of things being said... coughgreganddancough... it leaves your mind in an instant. its fantastic! amazingly wonderful! and should happen more often!!!

i'm also beginning to not regret things. there are things that i will always regret. but those few things that made me happy... i shouldn't regret those. i did. but i really shouldn't. 'cause then i'm just denying myself the feeling of happiness when i think about it. and you shouldn't do that to yourself. if something makes you happy, hold onto that happiness. even if its only brought by a memory. 'cause those are the best memories. the ones that will make you smile no matter what. they make the worst times vanish.

christmas is coming and my mother and i can't wait to decorate. but we are both sick so we don't feel like decorating. haha yea. nice combination.

family is perfect. seriously. family is the best invention ever!

sleeping on a couch is my reality at the moment. i'd sleep in my own bed but at the moment it is overtaken by clothes and other random things. second reason as to why i'm not sleeping in my own bed is... its cold down there. but i miss my room so i'm thinking i'll clean it soon and move on back down there. 'cause when ryan comes home he isn't too happy that there are dishes and hair ties all over his room. haha

can you tell i'm in a random mood?

i don't have much else to say.

the end to my ranting.

We could talk if days weren't so fast,
and mistakes just leave it so unsure.
Wanna hold you like never before
'cause we're falling and I love you more and more.

how did i come to find these people? they are simply amazing and the loves of my life! i don't understand how i, nicole, came to have awesome friends. seriously... if it wasn't for them... my life would suck! I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!